jux·ta·po·si·tion

Last night when I was driving home from work, I decided to keep the windows rolled down when it was raining.  It was as though I was trying to numb myself.

However, the most absurd feeling manifested from the bottom of my lungs, and I was taken aback by the lack of ease of breathing.

After choosing to drive past my house to cruise around, I realized that:

A part of me was sad for being happy.

Was it guilt? remorse? loss?  I don’t believe that I was at fault for anything… and I couldn’t help but feel confused and disappointment with myself.  I questioned whether it was again, my deprecating tendencies that raised these emotions or whether it was pure habit to feel this way.  Perhaps it was both,  because nothing is necessarily wrong with my life right now.  I mean, there is always something be sad about, I told myself, but there is always something to be happy about also.  Choosing to see light is the decision one makes to be happy.

You shouldn’t feel guilty for being happy because you feel as though it as at the expense of another, because it is not.  It would be at the expense of your being if you chose against your happiness for a cause that is unjustifiable. turtle

“The truth never damages a cause that is just” – Mahatma Gandhi

Be mindful that there are certain aspects of life that feel right and wrong for a reason.  If you made the right choice, let yourself be happy.

 

-B

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