there is an abundance of something lingering around my soul… unable to enter it attempts to seep through … gradually… unconsciously.

and here i remain mindless. pretending to be heartless, wishing sometimes that I was as cold as I was. But hey, i stopped believing that wishes came true at the age of 8 when my mother passed. i stopped believing in everyone’s definition of a father at the age of 11 when my father did things fathers aren’t supposed to.

i was left drowning.  my breath being taken from me so as to make sure that i would keep my mouth shut.

i don’t know. but i know that i do.

i’ve always had a delayed reaction to things, and needless to say, my emotions are starting to seep through… an unconscious assimilation of knowledge.

there are some things that are coming to my realization…  things directly linked to other things… forming a chain that’s sinking so deep into my soul … the anchor at the end grabbing whatever it can find to bring back to the surface.

the surface where i am able to breath.

the surface where i may be able to speak.


but, the question remains if i will


and i dont know. yet i know that i do.






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