I recorded at a studio for the first time the other night. That feeling of creating something… I don’t know whether it was the ambiance, the aesthetic… or whether it was because I was like an alcoholic taking a drink after sobriety;
the release of emotions, an inner addiction being fulfilled once again.
I was exposed; raw. It was as though my soul was nude after an immensely long period of time; untouched.
Have you realized the difference between who you are when you are in a relationship, and who you are when you are not in one? I have been avoiding writing about this because of fear of what was to come next from realizing and accepting what needs to be done. I feared that once I got it on paper, the thought of it will become realer than it is. Yet I knew that regardless of whether I wrote it down or not, it would still remain as real as it was when it was lodged up, hidden in a crevice of my brain; out of reach from my heart.
A part of progressing is to leave what or who wants to be in the past right where they need to be; history.
the act or process of closing something, especially an institution, thoroughfare, or frontier, or of being close
a sense of resolution or conclusion at the end of an artistic work.
The concept of closure still alludes me. The means of doing so seems disgustingly simplistic at times. I don’t understand how one can completely let go of those they truly love and care for. I for one believe that love is forever, (either it be romantic, friendship, or family love) because that is what commitment is supposed to be.
Unfortunately, sometimes after a series of unfortunate events and circumstances, our well-being requires us to attain closure. The process of letting go is a part of getting through what is necessary, to best understand who we were and what we have become.
However, we make it more difficult for ourselves with the questions we ask in doubt of the end of a relationship. Nostalgia is one of those soul penetrating processes that negates progress at times. To move on and progress from this, we need to differentiate the means of loving others verses loving ourselves more. There needs to be a fine line drawn between yourself and the toxic influences you may be surrounding yourself with.
It is okay to care more about yourself and your well-being.
It is okay to still care. It is okay to accept the fact that there is only so much you can do before efforts are immensely exhausted. You can’t help people who don’t want you to help them. All you can do is care for them, and care enough about yourself to understand that it is time to move forward.
As long as you have no regrets with the magnitude of which you tried, then you may proceed with life knowing that you did what you could and this whole thing is simply a part of “the circle of life.”
“Oh yes, the past can hurt. But from the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it.” – Rafiki
There comes personal growth with every encounter with someone who has taught you something, regardless of how small. There comes strength from forgiving those who you feel have wronged you. Try and understand that some people aren’t meant to be in your life forever, but utilize that opportunity to take everything that they have taught you as a factor in the means of evolving into the person you are yet to become.
“Hakuna Matata. It means no worries for the rest of your days”
Move on. Forgive. Let it go. Realize that there is nothing left to hold to now.
the riveting release of ecstasy
from the very lack of ease of breathing
searching elsewhere for perceived remedies
the alps and evergreens most appealing
yet inner dauntless qualities fear me
with subconscious means of self-loathing
the mountains’ augmented realities
seen with utmost desire for reaching
for to aim, to reach not, and to let be
the essence of scenery transcending
through snowfalls and fragmented memories
mountain peaks emerge behind surrendering