am·o·rous

I recorded at a studio for the first time the other night.  That feeling of creating something… I don’t know whether it was the ambiance, the aesthetic… or whether it was because I was like an alcoholic taking a drink after sobriety;

the release of emotions, an inner addiction being fulfilled once again.

I was exposed; raw.  It was as though my soul was nude after an immensely long period of time; untouched.

An amorous advance to music.

-B

via Daily Prompt: Exposed

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jux·ta·po·si·tion

Last night when I was driving home from work, I decided to keep the windows rolled down when it was raining.  It was as though I was trying to numb myself.

However, the most absurd feeling manifested from the bottom of my lungs, and I was taken aback by the lack of ease of breathing.

After choosing to drive past my house to cruise around, I realized that:

A part of me was sad for being happy.

Was it guilt? remorse? loss?  I don’t believe that I was at fault for anything… and I couldn’t help but feel confused and disappointment with myself.  I questioned whether it was again, my deprecating tendencies that raised these emotions or whether it was pure habit to feel this way.  Perhaps it was both,  because nothing is necessarily wrong with my life right now.  I mean, there is always something be sad about, I told myself, but there is always something to be happy about also.  Choosing to see light is the decision one makes to be happy.

You shouldn’t feel guilty for being happy because you feel as though it as at the expense of another, because it is not.  It would be at the expense of your being if you chose against your happiness for a cause that is unjustifiable. turtle

“The truth never damages a cause that is just” – Mahatma Gandhi

Be mindful that there are certain aspects of life that feel right and wrong for a reason.  If you made the right choice, let yourself be happy.

 

-B

Tangent

I am trying to resurface thoughts manifested from a mere crevice found in the labyrinth that I claim is my mind.

I no longer want to distract myself with the emptiness of my heart, nor the cold temperatures of my soul.

Because those statements are (un)fortunately mendacious.

There is strength in understanding that life isn’t a composition of neither practicality or risk.

Life is a composition of being and simply letting be.  Sometimes you need to stop thinking in an efficient waya way that forebodes self-deprecating tendencies.

Otherwise, one would be left hunting for misconceived versions of happiness; viewing life from a different perspective and not acting on things because of preconceived notions of reality.

I am paralyzed by my own mind.  Thinking and not thinking… the imbalances of my brain that have constituted illegal activity and deeming it as what is right.  Succumbed to the temptations of being saved and saving as oppose to experiencing the journey and acknowledging that there is nothing you need to be saved from.  Understand that there is no enemy; you are not your enemy.

-B

“I don’t want to lose myself, loving you”

Have you realized the difference between who you are when you are in a relationship,jas and who you are when you are not in one?  I have been avoiding writing about this because of fear of what was to come next from realizing and accepting what needs to be done.  I feared that once I got it on paper, the thought of it will become realer than it is.  Yet I knew that regardless of whether I wrote it down or not, it would still remain as real as it was when it was lodged up, hidden in a crevice of my brain; out of reach from my heart.

“I don’t wanna lose myself loving you, loving you” – 6lack

Continue reading ““I don’t want to lose myself, loving you””