jux·ta·po·si·tion

Last night when I was driving home from work, I decided to keep the windows rolled down when it was raining.  It was as though I was trying to numb myself.

However, the most absurd feeling manifested from the bottom of my lungs, and I was taken aback by the lack of ease of breathing.

After choosing to drive past my house to cruise around, I realized that:

A part of me was sad for being happy.

Was it guilt? remorse? loss?  I don’t believe that I was at fault for anything… and I couldn’t help but feel confused and disappointment with myself.  I questioned whether it was again, my deprecating tendencies that raised these emotions or whether it was pure habit to feel this way.  Perhaps it was both,  because nothing is necessarily wrong with my life right now.  I mean, there is always something be sad about, I told myself, but there is always something to be happy about also.  Choosing to see light is the decision one makes to be happy.

You shouldn’t feel guilty for being happy because you feel as though it as at the expense of another, because it is not.  It would be at the expense of your being if you chose against your happiness for a cause that is unjustifiable. turtle

“The truth never damages a cause that is just” – Mahatma Gandhi

Be mindful that there are certain aspects of life that feel right and wrong for a reason.  If you made the right choice, let yourself be happy.

 

-B

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2:54 am

Lost under my own sheets… trying to muster the strength to mend my broken mind…  I am neither afraid nor fearsome of the unknown.  I am simply just laying, listening, and trying to feel something.

Anything.

-B

Tangent

I am trying to resurface thoughts manifested from a mere crevice found in the labyrinth that I claim is my mind.

I no longer want to distract myself with the emptiness of my heart, nor the cold temperatures of my soul.

Because those statements are (un)fortunately mendacious.

There is strength in understanding that life isn’t a composition of neither practicality or risk.

Life is a composition of being and simply letting be.  Sometimes you need to stop thinking in an efficient waya way that forebodes self-deprecating tendencies.

Otherwise, one would be left hunting for misconceived versions of happiness; viewing life from a different perspective and not acting on things because of preconceived notions of reality.

I am paralyzed by my own mind.  Thinking and not thinking… the imbalances of my brain that have constituted illegal activity and deeming it as what is right.  Succumbed to the temptations of being saved and saving as oppose to experiencing the journey and acknowledging that there is nothing you need to be saved from.  Understand that there is no enemy; you are not your enemy.

-B

“I don’t want to lose myself, loving you”

Have you realized the difference between who you are when you are in a relationship,jas and who you are when you are not in one?  I have been avoiding writing about this because of fear of what was to come next from realizing and accepting what needs to be done.  I feared that once I got it on paper, the thought of it will become realer than it is.  Yet I knew that regardless of whether I wrote it down or not, it would still remain as real as it was when it was lodged up, hidden in a crevice of my brain; out of reach from my heart.

“I don’t wanna lose myself loving you, loving you” – 6lack

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“Cogito Ergo Sum”

Rene Descartes’s infamous Cogito Ergo Sum, “I think therefore I am,” correlates with the idea of new thought.  New thought is the means of one’s mental state manifesting through our experiences and daily living, inherently becoming one.  Keep in mind that this can work inversely as well.

“I think therefore I am”
“I think not, therefore I am not”
If you don’t believe that you are deserving of something or that you do not have what it takes to attain success, then you will not.  You are placing the odds against your own favor.  One must be honest with one’s self.  Not seeing ourselves too highly, and not selling ourselves short.  It is necessary to balance optimist, realism, and pessimism in such a way that caters most to what you want to attain in your life.  We must try our best to remain unbiased and completely honest.
Methodological Skepticism is defined as the process of doubting everything to attain the truth.  It is the premise of one being left with nothing else to doubt and only the truth to accept.  One must possibly revert to the bases of who we are by going over the basic questions that contribute to who we are.  For example:

Image result for minimalist

Questions: What is your favourite colour?  What is your favourite food?
Answer:  My favourite colour is lavender, because it reminds me of the colour of the sky when I find it most beautiful during twilight.  I do not have a favourite food, but i adore Mediterranean and Italian cuisine. I find that their culture is most evidently portrayed in the food that originates in their countries.
Result/Understanding: What do your answers portray about yourself? They portray an adoration of nature and the desire for experiencing different cultures.  This inherently leads to one understanding that travelling may be a a source of one’s happiness 

The process of re-knowing yourself is dire.  For instance, my favourite colour used to be aubergine.  What has caused it to change to lavender?  Dark colours could be an emblem of negativity.  It’s arguable that my new preferred colour embodies my desire to remain more positive in life.  Such a simple question has the potential to open doors to the source of the change.  To understand the changes in one’s life helps identify the characteristics that have become more prominent.  It helps bring forth the reason behind (un)fortunate events and circumstances, which will help with accepting possible fowl experiences.
With new days manifest new thoughts.  One day the truth will set you free.  At times, weakness makes the heart grow fonder, for fear itself peaks when goes about unnoticed.  People disregard this weird inner obsession for sadness that people have when they begin to subconsciously forfeit a stronger state of mind.  Analyzing  why you do things a certain way, why you prefer specific things, helps you attain a better understanding of who you are and what you want to do.  You have to know yourself before you can truly love yourself.  This helps create a higher state of mind that will allow you to overcome self-deprecating tendencies.

“Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best,and expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.”

— Christian D. Larson
— B

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