“I don’t want to lose myself, loving you”

Have you realized the difference between who you are when you are in a relationship,jas and who you are when you are not in one?  I have been avoiding writing about this because of fear of what was to come next from realizing and accepting what needs to be done.  I feared that once I got it on paper, the thought of it will become realer than it is.  Yet I knew that regardless of whether I wrote it down or not, it would still remain as real as it was when it was lodged up, hidden in a crevice of my brain; out of reach from my heart.

“I don’t wanna lose myself loving you, loving you” – 6lack

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“Cogito Ergo Sum”

Rene Descartes’s infamous Cogito Ergo Sum, “I think therefore I am,” correlates with the idea of new thought.  New thought is the means of one’s mental state manifesting through our experiences and daily living, inherently becoming one.  Keep in mind that this can work inversely as well.

“I think therefore I am”
“I think not, therefore I am not”
If you don’t believe that you are deserving of something or that you do not have what it takes to attain success, then you will not.  You are placing the odds against your own favor.  One must be honest with one’s self.  Not seeing ourselves too highly, and not selling ourselves short.  It is necessary to balance optimist, realism, and pessimism in such a way that caters most to what you want to attain in your life.  We must try our best to remain unbiased and completely honest.
Methodological Skepticism is defined as the process of doubting everything to attain the truth.  It is the premise of one being left with nothing else to doubt and only the truth to accept.  One must possibly revert to the bases of who we are by going over the basic questions that contribute to who we are.  For example:

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Questions: What is your favourite colour?  What is your favourite food?
Answer:  My favourite colour is lavender, because it reminds me of the colour of the sky when I find it most beautiful during twilight.  I do not have a favourite food, but i adore Mediterranean and Italian cuisine. I find that their culture is most evidently portrayed in the food that originates in their countries.
Result/Understanding: What do your answers portray about yourself? They portray an adoration of nature and the desire for experiencing different cultures.  This inherently leads to one understanding that travelling may be a a source of one’s happiness 

The process of re-knowing yourself is dire.  For instance, my favourite colour used to be aubergine.  What has caused it to change to lavender?  Dark colours could be an emblem of negativity.  It’s arguable that my new preferred colour embodies my desire to remain more positive in life.  Such a simple question has the potential to open doors to the source of the change.  To understand the changes in one’s life helps identify the characteristics that have become more prominent.  It helps bring forth the reason behind (un)fortunate events and circumstances, which will help with accepting possible fowl experiences.
With new days manifest new thoughts.  One day the truth will set you free.  At times, weakness makes the heart grow fonder, for fear itself peaks when goes about unnoticed.  People disregard this weird inner obsession for sadness that people have when they begin to subconsciously forfeit a stronger state of mind.  Analyzing  why you do things a certain way, why you prefer specific things, helps you attain a better understanding of who you are and what you want to do.  You have to know yourself before you can truly love yourself.  This helps create a higher state of mind that will allow you to overcome self-deprecating tendencies.

“Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best,and expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.”

— Christian D. Larson
— B

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“It means no worries, for the rest of your days…”

A part of progressing is to leave what or who wants to be in the past right where they need to be; history.

clo·sure
klōZHər/ noun

  1. the act or process of closing something, especially an institution, thoroughfare, or frontier, or of being close
  2. a sense of resolution or conclusion at the end of an artistic work.

The concept of closure still alludes me.  The means of doing so seems disgustingly simplistic at times.  I don’t understand how one can completely let go of those they truly love and care for.  I for one believe that love is forever, (either it be romantic, friendship, or family love) because that is what commitment is supposed to be.

Unfortunately, sometimes after a series of unfortunate events and circumstances, our well-being requires us to attain closure.  The process of letting go is a part of getting through what is necessary, to best understand who we were and what we have become.

However, we make it more difficult for ourselves with the questions we ask in doubt of the end of a relationship.  Nostalgia is one of those soul penetrating processes that negates progress at times.  To move on and progress from this, we need to differentiate the means of loving others verses loving ourselves more. There needs to be a fine line drawn between yourself and the toxic influences you may be surrounding yourself with.

It is okay to care more about yourself and your well-being.

It is okay to still care.  It is okay to accept the fact that there is only so much you can do before efforts are immensely exhausted.  You can’t help people who don’t want you to help them.  All you can do is care for them, and care enough about yourself to understand that it is time to move forward.

As long as you have no regrets with the magnitude of which you tried, then you may proceed with life knowing that you did what you could and this whole thing is simply a part of “the circle of life.”

“Oh yes, the past can hurt. But from the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it.” – Rafiki

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“You can either run from it, or learn from it” – Rafiki (Lion King 1994)

There comes personal growth with every encounter with someone who has taught you something, regardless of how small.  There comes strength from forgiving those who you feel have wronged you.  Try and understand that some people aren’t meant to be in your life forever, but utilize that opportunity to take everything that they have taught you as a factor in the means of evolving into the person you are yet to become.

“Hakuna Matata.  It means no worries for the rest of your days”

Move on.  Forgive.  Let it go.  Realize that there is nothing left to hold to now.

-B

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the riveting release of ecstasy
from the very lack of ease of breathing
searching elsewhere for perceived remedies
the alps and evergreens most appealing

yet inner dauntless qualities fear me
with subconscious means of self-loathing
the mountains’ augmented realities
seen with utmost desire for reaching

for to aim, to reach not, and to let be
the essence of scenery transcending
through snowfalls and fragmented memories
mountain peaks emerge behind surrendering


-B.Galindez